Restorer of Peace

Restorer of Peace

Who is the Restorer of Peace?

I have worked in field Women's Holistic Wellness for over 15 years and I specialize in coaching women to spiritual and emotional wholeness. I conduct Wellness Workshops, Transformative One-on-One Coaching, Sister Circles, Sister Sweats, Fitness Activities and an upcoming training on "Dismantling the Myth of the Strong Black Woman". I am committed to equipping women with the truth of who they are and empowering them to act on that knowledge.

31 December 2010

P.E.A.C.E. for the New Year

Here are some tips to help you plan for your New Year, New You!!!

Gotta have P.E.A.C.E.

Practice - Create or practice a ritual that you can perform daily. The predictability of rituals sustain us. They connect us to God and others. Rituals ground us and affirm us. My son and I have a ritual of gratitude that we perform every night. I look forward to hearing and sharing what it was about that day that we are grateful for.

Evolve - Commit to change. Be open to growing. Practice releasing things that hinder you and embracing people and characteristics that empower you. Try doing something that you always wanted to do but were too inhibited to try. You may see a part of you that you never knew was there

Action - Set measurable, action goals. Instead of saying that you want to lose 20 pounds, set a goal of what you can do to ensure that you lose the 20 pounds. For instance, "I will exercise for 30 minutes three times a week" or "I will eat 3 different raw vegetables at every meal".

Continue - Think on a couple of things that you did well for 2010 and continue doing them.

Enlist - Show up! In all that you do, be present. Enlist in your life. You've read enough books, been to enough seminars and workshops. Start living what you've learned.

29 December 2010

That or When: Which is Important to You?

What really is important to you? Is it important that a person extends their love towards you or when they extend their love towards you?

When we’re hurt our initial response is to shut down and protect ourselves from anymore hurt. Our bodies and minds were designed to do that as a means of survival. Protecting ourselves from danger and death definitely has its place. If we are not able to respond to a threat of danger or death by protecting ourselves, we will not survive.

Well, let’s look at how well that works for us in relationships where we may very well experience hurt that is neither dangerous nor deadly. Our reaction, very often, is to shut the person out and build up a wall of resistance AND shut down so that if the wall doesn’t work, we are numb to anymore hurt. This may work for us at the moment that we feel hurt or disappointed, but what happens at the moment the same person that hurt us reaches out for forgiveness? Has the shutting out and shutting down become a way of living for us so much so that we shut everyone out to avoid future hurts and shut down and become numb and don’t feel any emotion, good or bad, at all?

How do these two defense mechanisms serve us when someone is offering forgiveness? How capable are we of recognizing love when it is extended to us? And how willing are we to receive and relish in it when it is offered? How receptive are we to forgiving if the person we are forgiving doesn’t ask for it immediately? Does it matter that the love was expressed or when it’s expressed? Are we willing to work through pain in order to receive love? Breaking through the walls that we build to protect ourselves is painful. It means that we are vulnerable, open, exposed, and raw and that we may have to relive hurts in order to be healed from them.

What can we do to be open to receiving love and offering forgiveness after we’ve been hurt?

1. TRUST ourselves to seek out and find love. TRUST our feelings and acknowledge them. TRUST our minds and our ability to see the truth.

2. REFLECT on the relationship that you have with the person and think about their intent. Was it their intention to hurt you? Could it have been a misunderstanding or mis-communication? Is it possible for the person to still love you in spite of what was done?

3. COMMUNICATE: TALK it over, WRITE a letter, and COMMUNICATE your feelings without blame or judgment. Express your feelings and wait for the person to validate them. If you judge or blame, the person will be defensive and there will be no resolution. Validation comes from an individual that loves you and sees you. They can put themselves in your shoes and understand why you feel the way you do. Validation is the precursor to resolution and forgiveness.

Hurt is something we cannot avoid. However, living our lives in anticipation or avoidance of hurt binds us up and limits our ability to let the goodness of love seep into our hearts and minds. Not being able to recognize and receive love keeps us from really experiencing life and it can affect our ability to survive, or … thrive.


24 December 2010

It Is Finished In Beauty

I am at the brink of the completion of the Fastgirls’ 90-Day BE THE EXPERT Challenge. What a challenge! I have been pulled up by my inner voice and the voices of so many women in this challenge. I have been stretched to lead and support. I have been encouraged by the breakthroughs of other women. I have cried tears of joy when I beat my own doubts. I have questioned my worth and I’ve gotten sustainable answers.

I am now full, I am complete. I committed myself to honoring my past and present work and I’ve admitted to the world that I’m good at it. Today I admit that I am pretty darn good at it! I am prepared to use inspiration, entertainment, education and guidance to help black women realize how the myth of the strong black woman shows up in their lives and give them the tools to begin to dismantle it.

I am basking in the field of blooming Fastgirls that have completed this challenge with me. Many of us are complete because we completed dashboard items, many of us are complete because we had breakthroughs that helped us SEE ourselves, many of us are complete because we kept on with the spirit of the challenge and honed in on our craft. There is an empowering definition of complete that has come out of this challenge; one that acknowledges when we do our best and give it our all – we are complete. When we are impeccable with our word; when we say X and do X – we are complete. When we recognize our priorities and shift our lives to meet them, we are complete. When we make conscious choices instead of living by default – we are complete.

To all of the Fastgirls that started this challenge on September 26th, acknowledge what you have done, acknowledge the choice that you made to get as far as you did, acknowledge the sacrifices that you made in time, sleep, relationships, etc. to be where you are now. Do not allow guilt to rob you of this opportunity to see your progress. Do not allow comparison to blind you from recognizing your unique expression of your gift. If you made it to Day 30, Day 60, Day 90 or somewhere in between, give yourself the credit for being in the challenge and the work that you accomplished. I am in awe of the knowledge, commitment, passion, and love that you have for your craft. You are powerful, smart, giving – you are beautiful.

Nguzo Saba – the Remix*

Umoja – Unity

To strive for unity in my words, thoughts and deeds

To strive for unity in my relationship with people, animals and the Earth

Kujichagulia – Self-determination

To discover the truth about myself and my relationship to the world

To define myself and accept my complexity

Ujima – collective work and responsibility

To be of service to others

To establish, maintain and expand my community of help

To operate in integrity and accountability

Ujamaa – cooperative economics

To support small businesses

To develop a relationship with business owners and be willing to forge profitable relationships

Nia – purpose

To be clear about my passions and work to develop them

To be willing to share my purpose with anyone I meet

To remember that my purpose is larger than I am

Kuumba – creativity

To remember that I am co-creator

To strive to take risks

Imani – faith

To remind myself of my Source and live as though I know it

To possess the faith of my ancestors, my parents, teachers, and leaders

*Kwanzaa is a African American celebration of the Nguzo Saba (The Seven Principles). It was created by the historian, Dr. Maulana Karenga in 1968. Dr. Karenga has his own explanation of the Nguzo Saba which can be found at . “The Remix” is my offering of what the Nguzo Saba mean to me.

Do you celebrate Kwanzaa? What do the Nguzo Saba mean to you?

Getting the Best From the Best

At this very moment, I am waiting along with a friend, on the results of a test that can affect the rest of my friend’s life. She has postponed this appointment two times with 2 really great “excuses” but I was NOT going to let her avoid it this time. The disease is not life-threatening but if the tests indicate that she has it, it can affect the quality of her life. She’s afraid – not of death but of how her life will impact those that she loves. She’s the one that takes care of everyone else and she wonders how they will fair if she cannot. Right now, she has positioned herself to be the one that everyone comes to for help, so she wonders how they will react if she cannot help them. What do you think the answer to those questions will be? Her deepest fear is that her friends, family and loved ones will turn away because she is no longer of use to them. Do you believe that to be true? Her deepest fear is that she will be a burden to her family and that their lives will be ruined because she cannot be there for them. Do you believe that to be true?

As she sat there in the doctor’s office for what seemed like an eternity, for them to call her she said, “I’m just gonna stick it out and hope for the best”. I got goose bumps. She already has the best! She is brilliant, giving, and creative. She has a supportive husband, two beautiful kids that adore her (of course they do), a loving mother, wonderful friends that have been through “life” with her by their sides, and co-workers that confirm and affirm her. This illness would not be easy or pretty. But there are possibilities that lie within this illness that she can use to improve the quality of her life. This illness would be a test of the best to prove to her how strong her best really is. It would be her opportunity to allow all of the people in her life to show up. She’s not stingy when it comes to sharing herself and I am confident that the people in her life are waiting for the opportunity to be there for her. I am sure that they would be willing to do everything short of take the illness on themselves.

For all of you out there that give your all to your friends, family and co-workers, when was the last time you received something from them? Are you so busy doing for others that you don’t recognize it when someone wants to give you something? Can you decipher what receiving feels like? Open up, let someone in, and allow them to express their love to you. You haven’t truly experienced love until you’ve given and received it.

Whether or not my friend has the disease that the doctors say will affect the quality of her life, I want her to know that the quality of her life is not determined by what she can do for others but by her ability to give and receive love. That, I know, will not be affected by any illness!!!